Picking Up the Pieces
I never thought I would start blogging on this blog again, since this had only been created for a college course I was taking and because I blog about books on Pixie Dust Book Reviews. But then I realized something. I've never blogged or even written about me. My life has always been about focusing on the future, dreaming up the great schemes of my life, and somewhere along the lines I lost sight of me. Of what it meant to have a childhood and not trying to grow up to fast. Of what it was like to be a teenager and be young and crazy. I was so focused on growing up and becoming an adult that I lost sight of what it meant to be young, in love with life, and how to live completely in the moment.
My life has been a sum of moments anticipating the future. But now, now that I am here and that I am eighteen, I just can't see what I once imagined the future would be. In fact, it somehow only makes the heartache worse.
Now, I just want to find me. I need to find me. The future is full of endless possibilities - some of heartbreak, some of happiness, some of loss, and some of love. How can I possibly predict what the future will be? I can't but I can make the moments of every day that much more worth living.
I'm done looking for an escape. I'm done hoping for a future that I cannot promise will happen. I'm ready to live and live my way. Whether it is spending too much on books that I will not be able to read or scrapping my good grades for a happy life, I just need to find me and not some other person's version of me. I'm tired of being in mourning for the life that I should've had. That will never get me anywhere and lifetimes can be wasted away on dreams of what if.
I'm going to let go for once and live because what a lovely adventure life truly can be.
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